my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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