cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
