sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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