Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sorry my hands just texted you
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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