Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
