he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
