i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
