at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
