the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
