do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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