why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
