I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
