Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
