Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
