I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
