Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
