After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
