she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Everclear isn't food dammit
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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