If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she woke up with a sticky ear
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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