I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
