he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
