i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
