...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
