Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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