I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
