brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
