I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
