Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
