I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
