Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
