So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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