dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
