If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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