Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
