the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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