I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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