everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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