As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
