At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
