Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
