Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
