battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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