I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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