the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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