He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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