Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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