If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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