3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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