My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
