i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
