Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
