just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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