I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
