i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
