The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
