We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
this beer tastes like vomit already
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
