theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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