Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i already hear my dad disowning me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
